So after coming one whole long way i've finally decided to start my university journey at National University Of Singapore (NUS) - under the faculty of arts and social sciences. Can i just say it has been an extremely tiring journey up to this point? 

My parents for the longest time had already accepted that i would be going to SMU Business - and don't get me wrong, when i found out that i had passed the interview selection i cried because it was just so overwhelming. But selecting the course on the portal led me to feel just-----nothing. There was no relief, there was no joy, there was just no emotion generally. It was more of a okay, i guess i'll be studying there. Everyone seemed to be happy. I had to be too, right? After all, it was a relatively good course and i didn't have much complaints. 

Then something quite disturbing happened. I still couldn't sleep. This was something that really troubled me. I had just assumed all those sleepless nights were because i was so unsure of where i was going yet now when i had finally - FINALLY decided where i was going, i still felt uneasy. 

And so , i changed my options back and forth on the joint admissions portal and found it funny that i found a slight tinge of hope and even joy when i had clicked on NUS. The very choice i had pushed to the back of my mind long ago. 

I figured it was no point fighting to convince my parents so i changed it back to the choice that left everyone happy and comfortable. This stayed the same way for about 6 days or so and something inside me must have snapped. I have never fought to make choices for school and that has led me to experiences which i must say could have gone better. Going to polytechnic used to be my dream but no, i had stayed silent and allowed myself to be whisked away to JC, where i once again allowed them to take the reins on what subjects they thought i should do and how i should live my life. I get it, i'm an only child, but that doesn't mean i should be denied the right to live my own life. So i finally spoke out.

And instantly regretted it. My parents were asking where this change was coming from, they had it all planned, i was going to study, get an internship eventually a scholarship for masters' and then bonded to work for either the government or a TNC for the next 8 years before renewing my contract and starting again. I felt really numb when that was read out to me. I realized my parents have never seen me as an individual but as a commodity. Merely an extension of themselves and not as a daughter. How could they really? when i had always gone along with their plans, obeying every bit of their plan for "they always knew best." Maybe they did but something felt wrong and whatever i had done right in my life up to that point fell away as i spoke a single word.

No.

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I won't say that I'm the kind of daughter to disobey her parents. But when it came down to their choice vs my happiness, i guess i got selfish and chose my happiness instead. My mom had long accepted that i belonged and excelled in the arts whereas my dad? not so much. It's still pretty cold around the house. We only share the dining room during meal times and don't talk for the rest of the day. In fact, meal times are reduced to grace, eating and leaving the table at different times. I guess when it's really worth it, we always have to fight for it, even if it's against the people who love you the most. 

So my day's done. How was yours?