Monday, January 25, 2016
How could I love someone that's never existed?

Well, today I found out the truth. And I realized it is possible to love someone you haven't and will never meet. I'll type out my feelings and thoughts another day but I just want to say;

Ivan/Simon, Grace and Philip - I love you more than you could ever know.

Just know now that when I feel like giving up, I'm going to be fighting harder cause I'm living and pushing for the 4 of us now. I've tried to imagine your faces and voices this entire night. The fact that I've learnt of you could probably be the blessing which makes me want to set my life straight. For what it's worth, I feel a connection with you guys. But I'll keep my thoughts aside now but just know I will be thinking of you.

Mona ♥ Monday, January 25, 2016 link to post 0 comments

Saturday, January 9, 2016

All I have been seeing so far has been testing my patience and not my faith.

Mona ♥ Saturday, January 09, 2016 link to post 0 comments

Monday, January 4, 2016

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

― Rob Siltanen

Well, what do you know. We've pushed forward and we have survived and made it into 2016. I'm not usually one to spend the first few days of a new year typing and thinking aloud to myself. But I guess there's something to be said when you're on the brink of possibly graduating and astounded by how the hell you have managed to make it through 2015. Without killing yourself

2015 was definitely a trying year for me. Then again I have found myself struggling for a long time even since people have often asked the question of what I want to do with my life. And i swear it's not that i am being rude when i stare blankly at them it's just that it's such an overasked question that at times i find that i have ran out of ways to avoid that question. 2015 was tough. I had some friendships which have faded away and some which i never thought i would ever have. (Whoever said you can't find true friends in university can go suck it cause I've proven them wrong) But at the same time it's made me done some serious soul-searching. Stop beating yourself up

You know how when people ask you hey, what's been going on and you have a whole flood of things and ideas and travelling plans you have lined up for yourself in the coming year? Do you remember the sense of excitement you would get from looking forward to things? Try to think back to a moment when you did. (And this is not just to people who are reading this but I'm consciously asking myself that now) Stop being alone with your thoughts.

I've found that i seemed to have lost that. Unlike most people who seem to have a plan in their lives, I've never really seen myself coming this far. As near-sighted as i was, i had only planned my dreams up to when i was 16 or 17 and never really thought of what i intend to accomplish after that. I don't know if it's just me but I really can't see my life after 25 or 30 at this point. And it's not as if i am mentally disturbed or what not but i feel that whatever zest for life i used to have just seems to keep fizzling away. Don't give up yet. We said 4 more years.

Am i unhappy? I don't think so. But I don't think i would quantify myself as being happy either. Fights with my parents have been getting more and more frequent as well and sometimes over the smallest things. They're convinced it's some kind of late-stage-teenage-rebellion that maybe i've been suppressing it all these years and this is how i choose to act out. Either way it ends in me locking myself in the room and they going about their usual activities. I feel like something is wrong with me and I keep trying to say it's just a phase. Or PMS. Someone just tell me it's normal please I cannot feel angry and upset at every single thing i do. Remember. 4 more years.

It's not that life sucks is what i keep telling myself. But perhaps I'm taking an extremely shit attitude to it right now. A part of me hopes it's the old me breaking through and bashing down on what I had let slip by for the last few years. For our sake, I really hope she wins. I miss the old me who could confidently take on any challenge and be confident enough to revive dying projects or try her hand at new things. Damn, what the hell happened? For fuck's sake this better not be me being all jaded about life. I am not allowing myself to be depressed at this point in my life or ever.

So here's to 2016. A slightly rough start but a much needed one all the same. Though everything doesn't seem to be going too well at the moment (hence my number one outlet is brought back again) I hope to be able to laugh in the face of adversity - after all it has to turn at some point.

So here's to 2016, my 22nd year on this planet and it's going to be a great year. Spreading some hope and love to all those who need it cause we're going to make this our year. Cheers, everyone!

Mona ♥ Monday, January 04, 2016 link to post 0 comments