Saturday, March 18, 2023
2023
We've survived the covid pandemic.
Some of us did, anyway. Not too sure if it's really a blessing or a curse to live on at this point on when the world is essentially...every post-apocalyptic show happening to some degree.
I've been toying with the idea of furthering my studies recently. It costs a lot - which is probably the only deterrent i have. But, the idea of learning and being a student again seems pretty exciting. That, plus it could be a good career move for me seeing as how things have gotten pretty stagnant these few years. It's a maybe - but a strong maybe at this point. After all, money can always be earned back but it's what we do with it that matters in the end, right?
I always type these posts out at random moments of my life. It's usually at a cafe or really just a random environment where the itch to open blogger comes and i'm like 'yeah, let's try to summarize life in a few lines so future me has something to look back and either be really proud or have a collection of oh, that's where she messed up'.
Work-wise, I've moved to the private sector (i know right, it was a long time coming). I never thought I'd get to work in a bank but it's been good so far. I took on a new role learning how to do campus branding and marketing. Let's be honest future me - you probably didn't think too much when you accepted this role. But man, it's been a painful journey. I'm back to my fresh grad era where it was constant scolding and i dreaded going to work. The pressure to perform is very real and as a 29 year old - i'll admit, i feel like i'm scrambling and drowning at the same time. Picture a pre-drowned rat just on the docks of some pier scratching nonstop to get a grip of anything to keep it afloat. I'm just at it with slightly better skin and hair (ha).
Relationship-wise. The guy who I was absolutely crazy about who went back to his ex? Well, they went from happily engaged to happily married pretty quickly. I found out the hard way.
(pin drop)
But it's good. Really. I know i seem really bitter and back to the 'why not me/ i could have given you everything/ we were soulmates' but reality is...well, reality. The constant fear that I would end up alone still hovers around my mind but i've learnt to just - move on from what was essentially, an almost. I wish him the best of course and hope that in time to come, we can be friends. He'll just be someone I care about from afar and as the saying goes not your sink not your dishes. Going to actively keep that quote at the front of my mind from now on. So, adios to my almost. I'll miss what we had but they'll be tucked away in my memories never to be revisited until... the other parts of life balance out.
Health-wise. I took up a gym membership. No, please. Everyone just hold the applause. Haven't lost much weight yet but I'm building the leg muscle I had lost from a previous accident. Hoping I can go back to loving my body and not have to shy away from reflective surfaces. It's so scary how it wasn't a problem until it was - and i found myself actively looking down or feeling terrible when i looked at myself in photos/ mirrors and even on zoom calls at work. I'm getting older but i actually looked unhealthy. Puffy cheeks and eyes, a muffin top that had become even more obvious, and clothes that don't fit me as well as they used to. It's not a vanity thing - but it's a step to take before I hit my 30s and the habits and perception just become concrete-tized. I'm sure that's not a word but you get the point.
To charging ahead for the last year in my 20s. Turning 29 on 29th is going to be awesome.
