Writer Hi I'm Mona and I'm currently 21. This blog doesn't really have a theme to it - just the daily happenings of my life. Nobody really visits this site but if you do, well then you might be lost. laughs.

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Saturday, March 18, 2023
2023

 We've survived the covid pandemic. 

Some of us did, anyway. Not too sure if it's really a blessing or a curse to live on at this point on when the world is essentially...every post-apocalyptic show happening to some degree. 

I've been toying with the idea of furthering my studies recently. It costs a lot - which is probably the only deterrent i have. But, the idea of learning and being a student again seems pretty exciting. That, plus it could be a good career move for me seeing as how things have gotten pretty stagnant these few years. It's a maybe - but a strong maybe at this point. After all, money can always be earned back but it's what we do with it that matters in the end, right?

I always type these posts out at random moments of my life. It's usually at a cafe or really just a random environment where the itch to open blogger comes and i'm like 'yeah, let's try to summarize life in a few lines so future me has something to look back and either be really proud or have a collection of oh, that's where she messed up'. 

Work-wise, I've moved to the private sector (i know right, it was a long time coming). I never thought I'd get to work in a bank but it's been good so far. I took on a new role learning how to do campus branding and marketing. Let's be honest future me - you probably didn't think too much when you accepted this role. But man, it's been a painful journey. I'm back to my fresh grad era where it was constant scolding and i dreaded going to work. The pressure to perform is very real and as a 29 year old - i'll admit, i feel like i'm scrambling and drowning at the same time. Picture a pre-drowned rat just on the docks of some pier scratching nonstop to get a grip of anything to keep it afloat. I'm just at it with slightly better skin and hair (ha). 

Relationship-wise. The guy who I was absolutely crazy about who went back to his ex? Well, they went from happily engaged to happily married pretty quickly. I found out the hard way.  

(pin drop)

But it's good. Really. I know i seem really bitter and back to the 'why not me/ i could have given you everything/ we were soulmates' but reality is...well, reality. The constant fear that I would end up alone still hovers around my mind but i've learnt to just - move on from what was essentially, an almost. I wish him the best of course and hope that in time to come, we can be friends. He'll just be someone I care about from afar and as the saying goes not your sink not your dishes. Going to actively keep that quote at the front of my mind from now on. So, adios to my almost. I'll miss what we had but they'll be tucked away in my memories never to be revisited until... the other parts of life balance out. 

Health-wise. I took up a gym membership. No, please. Everyone just hold the applause. Haven't lost much weight yet but I'm building the leg muscle I had lost from a previous accident. Hoping I can go back to loving my body and not have to shy away from reflective surfaces. It's so scary how it wasn't a problem until it was - and i found myself actively looking down or feeling terrible when i looked at myself in photos/ mirrors and even on zoom calls at work. I'm getting older but i actually looked unhealthy. Puffy cheeks and eyes, a muffin top that had become even more obvious, and clothes that don't fit me as well as they used to. It's not a vanity thing - but it's a step to take before I hit my 30s and the habits and perception just become concrete-tized. I'm sure that's not a word but you get the point. 

To charging ahead for the last year in my 20s. Turning 29 on 29th is going to be awesome. 

Mona ♥ Saturday, March 18, 2023 link to post 0 comments


Monday, August 31, 2020
What do you seek?

 Please ignore my typos in the earlier posts. I realised the more passionate I am, the worse my spelling becomes. Also, another update in the life that is well, mine. 

I signed up for a matchmaking agency. 

Please hold all your laughter. Even I, at 26, did not think I would have done this so early on in my life. I figured I've tried most avenues to meet people, why not find the very ones who have made matchmaking their career am I right? 

The most fun part would be the calls where they ask you what you want in a partner. I almost got stumped at this. What do I want in a partner? Same thing as everyone else, really. 

Someone who is kind and thoughtful, has a similar sense of humour, enjoys the outdoors? 

But even as I was walking through my 'criteria' of guys I would want to meet, I could not help wondering what the other side of the convo would be like. What do guys look for in girls - and would I ever fit someone's criteria? 

The idea of it seemed pretty scary to me - that I was essentially breaking myself down into points. Did I have a good-enough face or figure? Would my salary be enough to match up to him? Would my education level match up and would we be able to carry on and have good banter? Was I even smart enough to know how to act on a date? 

For as much as school has taught me the right way to structure an essay or the right way to tackle a problem - i never thought i would hit this issue in my mid-twenties: I have no idea how to suss a potential partner out. I'm still in the midst of getting myself verified for this process - and I'm filled with a tinge of fear that these curated dates (amounting to about $100 each time I get a new date) could potentially be someone I end up with. 

Or it could go up in flames. 

Either way, I feel in control of this next relationship path if you will. I'll write about each date as they come and perhaps we'll see if I mature through this process. Sometimes, I feel I lost a part of my youth as I was too focused on getting things right and just being the best I could be. I've missed out on opportunities to have really good relationships with people in my life. 

What is my point of saying all this? Maybe I'm just trying to tell myself this is a good move to take and that it's a right path to head towards. If not, get ready for a bunch of really interesting meetups and we'll see how it goes from here on out. 

Take care and take back 2020 everyone! We've got 4 months left. 

Mona ♥ Monday, August 31, 2020 link to post 0 comments


Monday, June 15, 2020


I wonder if you can feel me thinking
Because I sense you feeling

Even though there is nothing within proximity that signifies we're close

We've crossed paths so much so; even our pasts have crossed

Your soul remains what I miss about you most
Mona ♥ Monday, June 15, 2020 link to post 0 comments


Monday, June 8, 2020
Imagine

Imagine you met someone great. Seemingly perfect, even.

He (or she) is everything you wanted in a friend and partner. He's funny. He has a bright goofy smile that makes you happy. You share similar views on many things - life, religion, love, just to name a few. He even likes the same food you do! Well, he says you don't know how to appreciate the food as well as him but that's how all your convos go. Quick banters that sometimes snub you but leave you feeling this warm glow of.... love? peace? You haven't quite figured it out yet.

But the feelings grow on you. You pick a coffee and wonder if he would like it. You go to a cafe and look at the cake selection - you wonder which would be his favourite one and which would be yours. You pick his because it almost feels like he's there with you. Besides, trying something new is always what he brought into your life. Something fresh and something new is brewing. You pick up the phone and wonders what he is doing. You wonder if he wonders about you too.

Probably not. 

You put your phone down and don't text to say how you're thinking about him. It's always in your head anyway. You try nudging your phone - maybe the battery went flat. You ignore the urge to text him in an invisible game that whoever texts first misses the other more.

You distract yourself with something else. A movie. But, a movie would feel better if he was watching it with you. A snack? You would love to see how much he would like it or maybe even take a picture and send it to him. How about a self-care facial night? You wonder if he'll notice how much better your skin has gotten. Do an online workout. So you'll look and feel good... maybe he'll notice you more. You push all these thoughts out of your head.

What is wrong with you. The phone buzzes.

Hey.

That one word sends your heart fluttering a thousand pitter-pats a second. He thought of you! You were on his mind! It's all coming true!

We need to talk. 

This doesn't sound too good. What did I do wrong? Maybe he finally wants to say what he always felt. You get excited. But, you calm yourself down because things don't always pan out. You're acting like a giddy highschool girl all over again.

So you meet at one of his favourite places and order his drink which you know by heart. He looks and smells good. He always does. You wonder why he looks uncomfortable. Perhaps it's your outfit that you put together to try to draw him in. He liked that colour on you - it always brought out the light in your eyes. Little did he know, it wasn't the colour of your dress that made your eyes light up. You catch yourself staring at him and wonder how someone so perfect could have come into your life and you mutter a little prayer of thanks to whichever higher power helped this happen. He looks up and you glance down quickly - blushing.

Be cool. You flip your phone over on such dates. He has your full attention. He always has. No texts or calls could pull you away now. His lips part and the words glide past.

I'm sorry.

Your mind screeches to a halt. What was he sorry for? You feel your heart thump but somehow you feel the vein at your forehead thump louder. You think you're crazy but your ear starts to hear your heartbeat.

I'm getting back together with my ex but I know you were emotionally compromised. Felt that I needed to explain myself. 

You know he is still talking but the words no longer make sense to you. You are wearing that favourite dress that he likes but you suddenly feel naked and ashamed. You want to hide but there really isn't anywhere for you to do so. Had you done this to yourself again? Let yourself feel things that were never there? Thinking you had a chance with someone amazing that popped into your life? You know he is still saying something but the voices in your head have begun to criticize your actions and they add to the crushing pressure on your chest.

That's great. I'm happy for you. You mutter back. You keep your eyes down. They water up but you hold them back. You were always told crying is showing you are weak.

You look up and his eyes seem... soft. Understanding. Almost as if he pities you. He can tell you're lying - he always could. But, really, what else could he have said. You brush it off and start hugging your arms to yourself.

2 months later, you sit in a cafe. You look at the drinks menu and sees what he would have ordered. You ignore it and order what you always wanted. You could swear you almost hear his comments over your shoulder. You realize it's his birthday. You pick up your phone and drop him a birthday text. You hit send without thinking or overthinking it. It was good while it lasted - whatever it really was. Labels escape you sometimes with what you two were.

Friends? Close friends? Lovers? One-sided obsession? A twin flame of sorts? Soulmates in another life? You chuckle to yourself. Maybe. Maybe not. A piece of you misses him but another piece tells you he is happy and really - isn't that all you ever wanted? How beautiful is it that for a moment in time you get to meet someone with such a surreal experience - where the emotional, physical and chemical energy was just electrifying. You got to fall into such a deep connection when you weren't even looking for it - imagine if you went about purposefully looking for it. You do mental math on the odds it would be for 2 people to meet who were so drawn in to each other and happened to be at the right stage of their life. You doubted your calculation for a bit but opened your eyes to see the cafe full of such connections. Couples, friends, soulmates and maybe even twin flames.


You flip your phone and laptop down, sipping on the drink you liked as you took in the world around you.
Mona ♥ Monday, June 08, 2020 link to post 0 comments


Thursday, February 7, 2019
2019 First Post

Well, what a whirlwind it has been - this blog has followed me from my post-As all the way into the working world. (Yes, hold the applause, I actually managed to graduate)

So, what has been going on with this girl who used to be so full of emotions and up and downs in Uni? Well she started her 2nd job this year in the HR field. But enough about me - I'm just going to do a quick update so future me can see this and see what's been happening to present me.

• Started a job right after Uni - hated it but truly found valuable colleagues
• Started a second job after quitting - still learning and feeling great so far
• Friends - kept the close ones and let the toxic ones fade away
• Money - definitely better now that I'm actually earning some
• Weight - losing a little, gaining a little, happy in my skin for the most parts
• Family - learning to treasure the bonds as age teaches me family truly is the closest thing you can have
• Love - Found someone and love him to bits. We aren't perfect together but meh fuck perfection

Mona ♥ Thursday, February 07, 2019 link to post 0 comments


Sunday, November 26, 2017
Thanksgiving

Things are starting to look up.

I'm starting to find peace in doing the little things. The night walks, the strolls along the river, eating a meal but not feeling the stare of people but just enjoying the time i spend with myself.

I don't know if this makes sense, but i don't feel lonely anymore.

A bittersweet memory crossed my mind today. The little promise I once had during Christmas.
I was just looking at my hands the other day from writing so much that it started to ache.

I still remember those blue-silver Christmas lights along the entire street and how you took my hand when we crossed the street. It was so sudden that I got a shock - it seemed instinctive for you but it was still one of the most intense moments. I expected you to drop it after we crossed but you kept holding. You promised that day that you would always hold my hand for as long as we could see Christmas lights - before we had to stop holding hands.

I got a shock and asked why we would ever stop doing this. You said I would be too busy holding the hands of our children. Even as a teenaged girl on the brink of adulthood - and one who never entertained the thought of children - I remember feeling a warm tinge spread through me and held your hand even tighter. 

Seems pretty funny how that was close to 5 years ago but still comes around every Christmas period to remind me how warm I felt on that chilly evening. Guess we really did stop holding hands but not for the reason you thought. (Didn't I say you were bad at predictions? laughs) I'm glad you have someone beside you this upcoming holiday season, and I'm glad she has you too.

Thank you for making me who I am, and for giving me memories that I hold dear to my heart.
Here's to making the right choices and the ones that will keep us all happy.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Mona ♥ Sunday, November 26, 2017 link to post 0 comments


Wednesday, August 30, 2017
This is not a sad post

This is not a sad post. It involves something sad but i'm no longer going to cry about it. 
Mona ♥ Wednesday, August 30, 2017 link to post 0 comments